I do love online dating more than meeting someone at a bar or being set-up with a guy from a friend. But there are a few downsides. For me, my biggest problem has been meeting someone that doesn’t look much like they do in their profile photo. It’s pretty easy to alter a photo to make yourself look good. Heck, I do it all the time. I always try to really get to know a guy inside before meeting him. Personality is most important to me, especially since I have kids.
Though having a good personality is paramount, looks do matter. I don’t think that makes me shallow. It’s just that I have a certain type of guy I’m physically attracted to (taller than me, thin but toned, white teeth, nice smile, firm abs). On a few occasions, I’ve chatted with seemingly great guys that appeared to have those physical traits. Well, until we actually met and I found out they looked quite a bit different. They didn’t lie to me. They just posted photos that made them look a bit different than what they really do look like.
Don’t get me wrong – these weren’t ugly guys. In fact, I’m sure some women find them attractive. They’re just not my type. Two of the guys were nice and seemed to have their act together, but I never felt a real connection to them for whatever reason (hey, chemistry is hard to explain). The other guy, I felt a strong connection to him. He could make me laugh, smile, and was GREAT with my kids. There’s no doubt in my mind this guy is an excellent father. We even shared many common interests.
We were great friends…
That happened to enter into an emotional and physical relationship. I began getting somewhat serious with him because he was everything I could hope for other than his looks. But I was falling for this guy so I just knew that I would end up becoming more physically attracted to him. I’ve read articles by women saying they’ve developed attraction towards someone. Then I learned the truth…
You’re either physically attracted to someone or you’re not
If you don’t find someone sexually appealing, you never will. Sure, there’s always an exception to the rule. Maybe 1 out of every 100 that read this will have a different experience. But if you do, understand that you’re the exception not the rule. Rarely do we find someone physically unattractive and then change our minds down the road. That’s not how our minds work. The one exception is if he is overweight and then loses a bunch of weight or makes certain physical feature changes. Features related to genetics cannot be altered, save for plastic surgery. And who wants to date someone that is fake?
So this brings me to my question – can a relationship succeed if you aren’t physically attractive to your partner if he’s perfect in every other way? I say no it cannot. Sex with someone you’re not physically attracted to will feel more like a chore than a pleasurable, loving experience between two companions. You’ll have to talk yourself into sleeping with him. Eventually, you’ll cringe at the thought of having to sleep with him. A healthy sex life is far too important to a relationship to be taken lightly. You’re not shallow because you don’t want to be with someone you aren’t physically attracted to. If he doesn’t get your hormones rising, he’s nothing more than a good friend.